I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
