In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
