fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
