So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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