Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
