You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i don't like sucking hair
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
