I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
