Tell her she can't have a vagina
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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