i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
