Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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