'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
