I bet he comes in French.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
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I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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