should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
