Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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