I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
