recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
