he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
