Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
