Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
