Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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