we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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