I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
