i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
