omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
