): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
