Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
