I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
