Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
