So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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