HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
