I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
