i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
