man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
