yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
