i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
