Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize