is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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