i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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