He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
