fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
