John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize