Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
