Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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