omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
