Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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