We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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