I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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