.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
