I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
