I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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