i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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