I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
