There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
