normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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