she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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