Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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