i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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