i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
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