the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You have to summon your inner elephant
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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