i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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