When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
