you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
