3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
