we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
