o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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