Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
