I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize