btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
