I wish I could punch you in the face.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
