Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
soo... how was my night?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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