first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
