i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
