I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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