your room smells of hookers.
And success
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
NoShamevember. You game?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
