Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
