so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
