The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
