You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
