I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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