While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
