you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
