the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
