brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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