After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
