i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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